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Birthparent Loss and Grief
Birth Parent Loss and Grief
by Patricia E. Roles
In the last decade, there has been a growing acceptance that a
loss occurs for birth parents when adoption takes place. In the
past, the emphasis in the adoption process...
Divorce Actually Makes Us Stronger
My friends call me the "Divorce Poster Child".
At the age of 20 I was married, and by 22 I had our first child. My husband was away at work every weekday, so it was just myself and the baby, keeping each other company from seven in the...
Home Improvement For Ladies
This report is written for those people who may want to improve or update their own home so along those lines, I would like to give you an overview of the factors that may lead you in creating a more effective and successful home improvement...
How to Have a Friendly Divorce
So the marriage doesn't work out. But what about the kids?
Okay -- so despite our best intentions, the marriage doesn't always work out. People change, fall out of love, decide to live differently either alone or with a new partner. Is there...
Parasitic Relationship
Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 15, 2004
Something in my life is weighing heavily on my mind, and I don't talk to anyone about it. I married my husband when he was 21 and I was 20. After being married six months I found out I was...
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Are You Trying too Hard to Be Happy?
We all want to be happy. However, if a woman pushes herself to emotional and mental exhaustion in order to reach “perfect” happiness, she could suffer from a condition she probably has never heard of: Missing Mother Syndrome.
When Megan Meadows (not her real name) came to me, she just wanted to lose weight. “Look at me!” she shouted, pinching her thighs. “I am fat! I am ugly! I hate my body!” Well, there was some middle-age spread, but she certainly was a very nice looking woman. Where did all this self-hate come from?
I am a Meridian Therapy practitioner who uses EFT, a form of emotional acupressure, to release negative emotions. Tapping with the fingertips on certain energy points on the body while being “tuned in” to the problem, does stop food cravings. EFT is quite successful when it comes to weight loss. However, I realized that Megan’s real challenges went far deeper than what she perceived right now as her “big” problem. She mentioned that her mom had recently died, and that brought up the sad story of her childhood. ”I didn’t have a mother”, Megan said. “She was always gone, and when she was there, she tried to create the little girl of her dreams - she did not want me. I was a very lonely child.”
The way I saw it, Megan has been suffering all her life from “Missing Mother Syndrome”.
When Hope Edelman published her book "Motherless Daughters – The Legacy of Loss” in 1994, everyone who belonged to the secret sisterhood of women traumatized by early mother loss, had a revelation: That's exactly how I feel - and I am not alone!
Growing up without the secure presence of a loving, supportive mother implies much more than lacking a same-sex role model. It is devastating. Since the mother is the first, the basic caretaker, losing her -in a physical or emotional way- starts a nightmare of deprivation for a child. In a way, it never ends. Many negative conditions and feelings experienced later in life may have their roots in this extremely traumatic experience.
You could suffer from “Missing Mother Syndrome” if you experience the following conditions on a regular basis:
You feel lost, out of place, and
Nir Felder: Introducing The Next Big Jazz Guitarist
The Brooklyn youngster has already played with John Scofield, Joe Lovano and Jason Moran. With a debut album slated for early 2011, Felder recently stopped by WBGO's <em>The Checkout</em> to give host Josh Jackson a taste of what's to come.
unsafe in this world
There is an underlying sadness in your life, even if nothing is wrong
You tend to feel lonely and depressed, especially at other people's "Happy Family" gatherings
You hate your body or are unsure about "being a woman"
You have abandonment or anger issues that hurt your relationships
You experience social stress - You either try to stay invisible, or you have a compulsion to be in the limelight
Any major crisis in your life, like a divorce, job loss, or bereavement, throws you right back into the painful past
There is a lot of fear, anxiety, or even guilt and shame in your life
You feel homesick without knowing where "home" is
You are trying too hard to be happy and "perfect"
You take rejection very personally
You believe that everybody else gets their act together - except for you
With tapping, deep seated negative emotions and painful memories are brought to the surface and released – fast and with little additional distress. Gary Craig, the founder of EFT: “EFT has a high success rate with trauma and abuse issues, especially when applied to specific events.”
Happiness is not a single, solid “thing” one can chase down doggedly, obtain and possess. It is rather a fluid quality that evolves naturally, when the obstructions that keep it from being are dissolved. Childhood trauma is certainly one of the main obstructions. Sometimes, a condition that is obvious, is not the real problem. To recognize that “Missing Mother Syndrome” is the underlying cause of never feeling “right”, can be the first step on a woman’s Healing Journey.
Carna Zacharias-Miller, EFT-CC, EFT-ADV, is a spiritual writer and EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) practitioner in Florida. She offers live and telephone sessions. Her specialty is helping “Motherless Daughters” to release the painful past and heal their hearts. E-Mail: info@missingmother.com Website: www.missingmother.com
Copyright Carna Zacharias-Miller - www.missingmother.com
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